Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
