At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
