Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Randomize
