I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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