Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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