No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Green mimosas i think yes
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
