My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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