Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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