haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
