Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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