your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
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My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
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i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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