Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
