Screwed.edu
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
