So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
and she was petting her beer can
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
