yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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