im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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