Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
