sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
