Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
