the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
