quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize