I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
