I wanna passion pit in your ass
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
