I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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