You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
