I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
