I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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