the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
