If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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