Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
