whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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