look no pants
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
