is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
How does it feel to date your dad?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
