someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
