fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
