If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
