apparently the secret to your success is patron
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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