I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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