Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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