dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
