You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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