Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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