You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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