R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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