Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
