I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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