mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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