We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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