I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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