I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
