Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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