I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
