Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
