Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You smell like stripper and shame
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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