please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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