Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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