Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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