He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
don't judge my taste in strippers
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
