Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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