so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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