why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
