That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
