I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
