well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
