He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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