the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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