i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
