dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
