u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
