I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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